fala

bang bang bang.
i knock on the gate made from scrap sheet metal and peer through the crack into the front 'yard'. i see the usual puddles and clothes hanging to dry and shoes piled by the front door.
but no sign of stirring. but i know that the house is never unoccupied. so i knock again.
I see nebat's face appear in the doorway of the house.
"Nebat! Emily ovde!"
She smiles and begins to slide on her shoes. as she maneuvers around the puddles and various items stacked along the path i see she has nothing more than socks and backless house slippers on her feet. i think about what i am carrying in my backpack and my excitment rises to enter in their home.
after a short time i find myself stepping down into the main room of the home. it is warm and dark and i see sejdo sleeping away on the couch. salija comes from the other room to greet me and escort me in. through the curtain divider i go removing my gloves and backpack. i slide into the warm place where someother body was just sitting on the couch. baby betty is playing away. surrounded by toys and other stimulants for her active and growing mind. she smiles up at me with recognition.
'kaje zdravo tetka emily,' salija says (tell aunt emily hello)
nebat enters in wiping her hands on her skirt, "dali sakash kafe ili chai?" (do you want coffe or tea?)
"ne fala" (no thanks)
"zoshto?" (why?)
"okay, kafe e dobro, fala fala" (okay, coffee is good, thank you)
she returns with coffe and a glass of coke for me, then just as speedily disappears.
through the window i see her pass by back and forth, busying herself whlie the guest is here.

salija and i talk. we laugh and talk about how betty will play with trash forever while her toys sit idley by. then we pause to watch betty put torn peices of paper in a small empty medicine box and then take them out again. and replace them and remove them. again and again.

we talk about our families and other things that my conversational level can handle.

all the time i am glancing at my backpack. hoping that the chance will arrive to reveal its contents to the one for whom they're intended.

nebat reappears and before she can vanish again, "Nebat, imam neshto za tebe." (nebat, i have something for you)
"za mene?" (for me)
a smile spreads across her tired face.
"da da za tebe"
i reach over to my bag and pull out the rain boots that have been anxiously awaiting their debut.
"znam deka ima voda i mraz hadbor cekogash, pa ce hadebam deka ovie ke bide dobri za tebe"
(i know that there is water and ice outside all the time, so i hope these will be good for you)
she hesitantly reaches for the boot i am holding out, as if not sure that it's really for her.
she slips it on and begins chattering at salija in rapid fire jamboski.
"fala mnogu. fala."
"nishto"
we all just smile at each other for a while.
I don't remember the words, but nebat showed me her socks and said that they are always wet after she goes outside and then threw in a few more thank yous.
my heart was glad.
{thank you God for the idea from my mom to get these for her, what a simple thing. please use them to usher her closer to knowing you. please use them however you wish. i pray for a real relationship with nebat}
then the deep voice of sejdo comes calling from the other room.
nebat is gone again.

i finish my coffee and continue to chat with salija until it feels right to say goodbye.

as i come through the curtain into the main room, there is nebat. on her hands and knees scrubbing the rug with a small brush. and sejdo has changed positions but returned to sleep.

nebat gets up to go wash her hands so she can say goodbye and betty, salija, nebat and i walk to the front gate.

the beginning

okay, you may have read the following post on my other blog but i have decided that i want to devote an entire space for Nebat alone. I want to give you a window into how her story as it is unfolding. Hopefully it will be the journey of her finding our Savior. So i will leave you with the thoughts that have started it all:

she was created in the image of God. in beauty and with deeply set desires and instincts. at her core she is longing for adventure and to know that she is beautiful. she wants so desperately to be a part of something big. she wants to know that she is worth something. she wants to know that someone will risk something for her. she wants to know that her life matters. She was born into a culture that sees her as something to have babies. her mother. her sisters. her friends. they are all married off at young ages in order to maximize the window of baby having opportunity. her sister in law is 21 and has five children so far. she is 22 years old. the mother of one daughter.
she, like every other wedded Roma girl, lives with her husband in his parents' household. and she, like every other wedded Roma girl is expected to serve the new household in whatever way they see fit, for however long they see fit. not unlike a lowly servant.
she knew this was what her future looked like. she expected this. so you can't really say she is too disappointed, because she knew. but there is no ignoring that whispering abyss inside. there is no way to silence the nagging that there is more.
surely hours of laundry by hand, outside in 19* weather every day wasn't what she was created for. surely listening to her new in laws talk about her as if she were not even in the room isn't the answer to the wanting. surely being excluded from conversation while her child is the center of attention is not 'it'. surely there is more to living than this.

if only she knew Christ. even freezing laundry water, could not cool the passion for life inside of her. if only she knew Christ, even when she is treated like she doesn't exist, she would know that there is One who loves her. if only she knew Christ, even if the rest of her days were lived in a two room house with two other families - cooking and cleaning, she would have a hope that assures her that her life is not a waste. if only she knew Christ she would see that there is a bigger story and she does play a role in it. if only she knew Christ those deep longings that currently show no sign of ever being quieted will be not only satisfied - but fully contented. if only she knew Christ there would be a point to all of this. there would be a point to taking care of her child. there would be a point to doing laundry. there would be a point to submitting to her family. there would be a point to having a mind and body that function well. there would be a point to who she was born as. to where she lives. to who she knows. to who she is.

she is Nebat.